AMINA-M.*

2011-01-23T15:26:00.001-05:00

HEY!

2010-01-24T19:01:00.003-05:00

Slowly but surely, layer by layer I am shedding this fear that has seemed to suffocate me in my 21 years of living and I am now beginning to realize that I can create my life intentionally and be free and live in joy if I just let go of the fear that has been holding me back.

Being in joy is a natural state for me, and even for you. Sadness, fear, anger, all of those negative emotions were never meant to be natural for us because we feel like crap when those kinds of emotions start to take over us.

The more I take a look around at this world and at my own life I realize that there is SO much to be thankful for. I am more and more thankful each day and the more I realize how much control I have over my thoughts, my feelings, my life there is a joy that builds up inside of me, an unfathomable energy takes over me so deep and passionate words cannot describe. The more I write about this the more happy I am.

I am so thankful for this day today, although I did not do much, it was still magnificent in that I woke up and accomplished what I had planned to accomplish.

-Amina. xox.

2010-01-23T18:39:00.000-05:00

I miss the control I used to have with food. The good old days when I used to be pretty much scared shitless to eat. What happened? I went to college (gained a good 20 lbs) that's what happened. Which is weird because I thought it would be easier to starve while I'm, boy did I think wrong. Maybe it's a good thing because I would definitely be in an ED residential place for recovery or dead. But sometimes (actually always) I wish I had that control back. I"m always looking for new diets to try, but reality of it is that, well, Fiona Apple said it best: "Hunger hurts, but starving works." And that's the truth. Starving and working out for hours during the day works, and it's fast.

I hate it when people give me crap about being unhealthy. People who have eating disorders know what they are doing isn't healthy, but it really doesn't matter at that point.

UGH, I don't know what I'm gonna do about it. I know I will relapse and I know that although I do eat (a shitload) I'm still not okay with food. I still have a slight anxiety after I eat which I absolutely hate.

This will continue to be a vicous cycle until I get some help, and right now I don't want to. I have a love-hate relationship with food.

I just had to say that.

-Amina.xoxo

2010-01-20T15:43:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking I MIGHT continue to start back blogging. However, I CANNOT make any promises.

I think I'm gonna make try to make a promise to myself and try to workout 4 days a week. I usually start off REALLY great like, "Yeah! I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna get fit," and I'll be really good for like two days and then I'll get busy, or too tired, and then I'll have that biscuit from Bojangles (which I just did literally 30 minutes ago) and then I smash some ice cream and it's all over then. HOWEVER, starting...tomorrow I'm gonna work out and...no more fried foods. Yea.

Starbucks is about to become my friend again =)

I don't have any pretty pictures to show of anything. I know pictures in a blog pretty much makes the entry complete. I need to use my D40 more, but I just don't wanna carry it around ALL the time with me and I lost :tear: my Sony Point & Shoot. Maybe I'll get a new Point & Shoot in the summer. I'm always looking a new camera or camera equipment. Photography is one expensive hobby.

I know I SAID that wasn't going to have anymore caffeine, but Starbucks is calling my name and I am definitely making a stop there tomorrow morning, and then I'm gonna try some Jimmy John's for lunch =)

Amina_M. xox

back again...

2009-09-12T21:55:00.000-04:00

Well, my life hasn't been too exciting lately. I need to take more pictures; I really miss that. I'm watching my favorite movie right now, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I never get tired of watching it =) I watched Australia earlier today and let me just say that is the best movie I have seen in a very, very long time. I might end up buying it. The little boy in that movie is absolutely adorable.

I just started back working out again today. I'm always on and off with it so I hope to stick with it for a LOT longer this time around. I'm gonna go to the Zumba workout on Mondays and then probably do Turbo Kick on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I haven't been shopping or anything lately, and I probably won't until next month or probably not even until November. I haven 't really been into shopping for clothes lately. I really NEED to though. I have clothes just nothing really nice to wear; nothing very stylish. If it were up to me, I'd wear sweats, tanks, and T's all the time haha. I dress for comfort not to impress.

Now, I DO love to buy makeup, bath, and body products =) I do like the Soap and Glory Scrub Your Nose in It face scrub that I bought a few weeks ago. I'm thinking about getting the S&G Fab Pore peel, too.

I was having the CRAZIEST heart palpitations yesterday. I think it might have been because first, I was up at like 3:50 am to get up and ready for clinical, and then after clinical was over I was running around doing stuff. I think I just needed to relax and chill out.

My mom feels bad for me because she thinks I need more friends, MY age. haha. I just can't find females mature enough, talkative (but not too much) enough, or with enough similar interests for me to be all buddy-buddy with. Which I really don't mind, because I get to do whatever I want, however I want, whenever I want without having to care about someone else's opinion about it. haha. I guess if someone really wanted me around they'd ask....

...the end.

I don't know why I have a blog.

2009-08-21T20:16:00.000-04:00

I don't even know who stops by this thing...haha

Anyway just wanted to write in this because honestly I'm bored. Yea, Friday night and I'm sitting here in my dorm room. It's nice actually because when I was home I was bothered by my mother, brother, and father whom (who?) I all love very dearly but I'm a very private person especially when it comes to my stuff.

Well I only got through ONE day of the Master Cleanse, pretty sad right? Well, I was feeling pretty crappy and shaky, so I said forget this and got some lunch at Panera haha.

BUT! I am going back to a "healthier" lifestyle. Absolutely NO processed foods and meat only a couple of times a month. I'm gonna workout 30 minutes each morning and 1 hour each evening. I need to incorporate more veggies in my diet but every time I eat raw veggies (I only like 'em raw) I HAVE to have some kind of dressing on them, so I'll have to work on eating them raw and plain. I like spinach, maybe I can eat that raw....

I'm gonna go pick up some Bear Naked granola tomorrow to have with my Chobani yogurt. Yummm. I'm also gonna get some Granny Smith apples (if available), and some frozen berries. I love going to Whole Foods Market =)

Well, I'm about to watch The Blindness and go to bed =)

Long time uh?

2009-06-17T12:57:00.000-04:00

I haven't been back to this shit in so long! So I just thought I'd do a life update.

I recently got a job doing CNA work at WakeMed. I finished orientation on Monday, and I THOUGHT that today would be my first day of work, but they didn't need me today, so whatever. I do want to work on Friday, though. I have shit to BUY! haha

Well, I recently bought a scrub that I really do enjoy using. It's Sugar Crush by Soap & Glory which is by the owner of Bliss Spa. Soap & Glory is the more inexpensive line of spa products. The scrub is pretty good for about 16 bucks and it comes in a 15.2 oz container so you get a pretty decent amount of scrub. There is no mixing required and it doesn't leave your tub (or skin) slippery and greasy. My skin felt so smooth and soft after using this product, and I only need to use it a couple of times a week. It smells pleasant, and just talking about it makes me wanna go use it!

Although the Soap & Glory scrub is nice, I'm trying to switch over to more natural body care products. Tomorrow I'm going to purchase Kiss My Face Start Up face wash ($15). I read a lot of good reviews about it. I want something that won't leave my skin too dry with natural, earthy ingredients and something that will minimize my pores. I currently don't use a toner, so I think I'll purchase the Thayer's Witch Hazel alcohol-free toner; it's a reasonably priced ( approx. $10) toner, and I read good reviews about it so I'm hoping the purchase will be worth it.

I'm thinking I finally might purchase the "nifty fifty" 50 mm lens from Nikon for my D40 with my second pay check. I haven't updated my flickr in a while either and mostly what I wanna shoot would be best captured using the 50 mm lens.

I hate PMS.

I haven't written anything new (poetry) in quite a while. I need some inspiration. I was going to go to Barnes and Noble today, but after sitting around I didn't really feel like finding something to wear and doing my hair and all that bs so I just decided to sit my ass at home today...again. hah.

Tomorrow I get my hair done, and get my much needed purchases. I'm might chill with Wes tomorrow. We'll see!

Ciao.

2008-08-14T15:15:00.000-04:00

So, I've come to terms that I DO have an anger problem. Bascially, "I have a low tolerance for frustration," and starting today I have been researching articles and different things online to help deal with it, and change my attitude for the better. From this point forward. Controlling Anger Before it Controls You was the best article that I found. I basically need to just stop and think, "Is this really worth getting angry over?" I really need to realize that things won't always go my way, and when things don't go as I want them to, I need to just say to myself, "It's okay things aren't going my way, I might be upset and disappointed, but the world isn't going to be over just b/c of this one situation." Just so you know, this is much more easier SAID than DONE, but I really am going to give this my all b/c it isn't fair to the ones around me, the ones I love, to have to deal with my terrible attitude.

2008-08-09T13:34:00.000-04:00

Nothing too spectacular has been happening to me these past few days. Just counting down the days I will be back in my dorm at WSSU. In all honesty I'm ready to go back. I can only take but so much of my mother's nagging. I swear sometimes I just want to duck tape her mouth shut.

Just a couple pics for you guys :-D

I passed my CNA test, so now I can go on the quest for looking for a new job and leave shitty Hollister. yay!

RIP Bernie Mac.

2008-08-05T15:47:00.000-04:00

I don't really have anything special to blog about today. Just that I can't wait to see Pineapple Express this week :-D I've been dying to take more outdoor photos, but it's just soo soo soooooo hot out, I can't stand it. I can't wait until Fall. Late September/early October. I loove Indian Summer.

I love a good bowel of granola cereal in the middle of the day :-D

2008-08-02T19:06:00.000-04:00

So my cell phone provider notified me and told me it was time for an upgrade :-D I got what I could afford and purchased the turquoise LG Scoop. It's a pretty sweet phone. I'm addicted to the sliding keyboard, but I'm sure that feature will get tired quick.

I went to the club last night with Wes (bf), and to be quite honest, I don't even go to the club unless I'm asked or invited. I never go on my own freewill. Just not something I could do on a regular basis. It was pretty nice inside, though. I got up on the stage and danced a little jig, lol. I might go one more time (before I go back to school) for Wes since he wanted me to dance with him more. He danced with another girl, which in all honesty did hurt my feelings a bit, but I guess I shouldn't be upset...????

Just a picture I took yesterday in my neighborhood.

Back Here

2008-07-31T15:50:00.000-04:00

So yes, I've decided to come back to blogspot ( blogger, w/e) simply because on wordpress, I didn't have the freedom of designing my own template. So update your links everyone :-D. *

And yes, I finally bought the Nikon D40 kit from Bestbuy yesterday, and I am completely overwhelmed. I need to buy a bag for it soon. I started playing with it some yesterday, but then noticed that I should read the manual first so I can make the most of the camera. So all, if not, most of my posts will have (nice) pictures in them from now on. That's the only exciting thing that's happened to me lately. I think I'll walk around my neighborhood this evening and go for a photo walk.

» amina.

test

2008-07-31T09:15:00.001-04:00

this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test. this is a test.